Tuesday, March 9, 2010

A word on the walk

Before getting to the promised Before Picture, I wanted to address those of you who, kindly expressing concern for my safety and/or sanity, wrote on my Facebook wall or IM'd or e-mailed privately to suss out whether I was seriously considering flagellating myself by way of a 4.5-mile walk to work following every Orioles loss in 2010 — and, as a corollary, whether this would eventuate in my hating these formerly beloved Birds by, oh, say, the All-Star break.

Let me rejoin the first query by saying that if you think it's nuts to schlep it from South Arlington to downtown D.C. after each O's loss — and even crazier to rouse oneself at the ass-crack of dawn to do so — well, then it's about to get really bat-shit insane up in here.

Because it turns out this is more like a six-mile trek.

See, on the way to work yesterday (from the comfort of my Civic, I should add), I cased the route Google Maps had suggested for anyone dumb or ignorant enough to proceed by foot from lower Arlington to downtown Washington. Google's helpful caveat — Use caution: This route may be missing sidewalks or pedestrian paths — turned out totally spot-on in this case. Not only that; it appeared my best option, if I preferred not to traipse about in the path of oncoming traffic, would be to carve a shortcut across freakin' Arlington National Cemetery. Hmmm ... get smacked by a bus, or trample on the final resting places of fallen national heroes? Thanks, Google!

Long story short, the route's now looking more like this:
View Larger Map

In related news, I'm taking suggestions for the tracksuit/headband ensemble I'll be donning to make these walks. (Anyone who knows me knows I sweat profusely just sitting on my biscuit all day — I don't own an undershirt that's not caked piss-yellow under the arms. So no way am I walking six miles in my work clothes.) I'm thinking a "Royal Tenenbaums"-inspired look with G√ľnther-style shades. Any input would be greatly appreciated.


  1. If I saw you walking around dressed like that, I'd be tempted to beat you up myself.

    Love, Mom

  2. Wow Mike that is SOME dedication. I have nothing to offer for suggestions because no matter how you walk it, it's gonna be grueling. The tracksuit would be funny though. I'd offer my services to design a poster for you to post on fb with you wearing it if it makes you feel better. I am so shocked that you are doing this..I commend you. you are insane, but I do commend you. Congrats. I'm following for realz!!:-)

  3. Mike,
    First, your mom is hilarious. I might not beat you up but I would definitely throw something at you. Or at least snicker quietly to myself. Good luck with it... we'll all be eagerly awaiting updated entries.