Monday, May 3, 2010

Mail time!

I never thought I'd be saying this about a 7-and-18 team, but I have nothing to complain about today — not after the Orioles completed a weekend sweep of not just any team, not the Royals or A's or Indians, but the Red Sox — and did so in dramatic fashion, a pair of 10-inning barn-burners bookending the three-game set and a wild, 12-9 slugfest providing the sweet, sweet meat in this particular grinder.

Which, of course, meant a lot of red-eyed Red Sox fans hanging their heads on the way out the gates on Eutaw Street. Fenway South this ain't, kid. Your team looks wicked awful.

Anyway, in lieu of the usual self-pitying splenetic venting, and on the heels of a real interview with yours truly in re: this ridiculous and ill-conceived idea for a blog, I thought I'd answer a handful of questions I've received from you, beloved readers. Don't say I never did anything for ya.

Are you really watching every inning of every game? Aaron Blake, Washington, D.C.

Fuck, no! Aren't the long walks to work and repetitive exercises punishment enough? You think I actually want to pay attention to this team? Nah, brah, if there's anything else worth watching on TV — a Penguins playoff game, an MS telethon, reruns of "Saved by the Bell: The New Class" — that's what I'll be doing from 7 to 10 most nights. Then in the morning, I'll go find a box score and add up the walks issued, errors committed, strikeouts against, GIDPs, etc., and get down to business.

What do you do for weekend games? — Elsbeth Mantler, Baltimore, Md.

Well, Els, as you well know, I'm something of a closet karaoke freak, and come Friday that freak flag gon' fly. Which usually means sublime renditions of Sublime at Summers. Which usually means I'm in no shape to do any walking or working out on a Saturday morning. Point being, I've decided to give myself Friday and Saturday games off, as I don't work weekends anyway and thus couldn't be expected to walk downtown following a loss. Sunday games do, however, count against me — and remember, this is a team that, over the past two seasons, has gone a combined 14-and-37 on Sundays.

What if it's raining during your walk? — Ambassador Henry Imbabwetumba, Yamoussoukro, Côte d'Ivoire

I'll just do what the pros do and postpone the walk for a later date — possibly even a double-header, in which case I'll walk both to and from work, burning calves and battered feet be damned! Speaking of which, I'm also now greatly looking forward to days the Orioles have off — just like the players themselves, I'm betting.

In any event, the MO here is to keep a running tally of rain-delayed walks; currently my magic number is two. I do likewise for the exercises, as I've been advised that one shouldn't engage in such lifting every single day of the week. I currently "owe" seven sets, which figure I'll add to tonight's totals — sure to be hefty (no pun intended), as CC Sabathia's pitching — and blast out in the a.m.

If the Orioles sweep the Yankees or Red Sox, shouldn't you give yourself a day off from walking, like a Get out of Jail Free card? — Chad Ford, Salisbury, Md.

Best idea I've heard in a long time. My magic number is now, officially, one.

Thanks, BoSox!

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